the Vegas effect ...

Those of you who thought Vegas was made for me - tacky city for the tacky woman - were wrong ! Even for me, Vegas have stepped over the line on tacky. I am wearing a flashing Holy Virgin Mary. And Simon has photographic evidence of action man Moses with detachable stone tablet and staff, and Jesus with bonus loaves and fishes.

And those who thought I am the one leading Simon astray needs to re-examine your flawed judgement because I am not the one who was chased and stopped by a police car with siren blaring; pulled into the casino car park; had to produce driving licence; had to riffle through leaflets for discount outlet stores, hot-babes-and/or-30”-pizza-delivered-to-your-door-24/7, eat-all-you-can-for-a-dollar, drink-a-guitar-filled-with-beer; etc etc, before locating the crumpled car hire papers, then charged with three citations, required to appear in court and probably now on the FBI most wanted list.

Where do I start ?
The fountains at Bellagio is wow wow and WOW. The jets sway like senoritas, dance like ballerinas and roar to the heavens like rockets, all totally synchronised to the music for all taste from classical to pop to the US anthem. One minute the fountain is jumping to Elton John, then the fountain stilled and began to fill with mist before the theme from the Titanic. The people who programmed the fountains and the lights are truly poets. I encourage you to go and be charmed.

Freddie Mercury belting out : “We will we will rock you” heralded the light show in the canopy covering the whole of Freemont Street. Lines of dancing girls flashed along the whole canopy, then morphed into clips from various Queen’s shows. The canopy became a huge elongated screen showing a lively beaty music video.

Every hotel has a casino and a shopping mall. The posh hotel such as the Bellagio and the Venetian showcase the brand names of the world; while the more modest ones such as Circus Circus and Treasure Island target customers looking for Vegas glitter T-shirts, playing card lighters and roulette ashtrays.

Everything is done to part you with your money. Slot machines offer all manner of chances from one cent to five hundred dollar a spin. Of course the five hundred dollar a spin machines are in special hushed rooms with deep armchairs and waitresses with even deeper cleavages.
Back in the communal area, cocktail waitresses, yes, only waitresses, circled offering endless drinks. The poor tipped a dollar, the rich tipped with five to five hundred dollar chips.

A very polite man at the poker machine next to mine struck up conversation and proceeded to enlighten me that croupiers and waitresses earn five dollar an hour, the minimum wage. However, they can make twice or three time more with tips. Hence the continuous call “cocktails ? cocktails ?” Clement somebody, he told me his name, is a conductor, he said. Used to live in Mississippi until the hurricane Katrina swept his home away, Along with his antiques and chandeliers. Upon moving to Vegas, they had nothing to do and his wife gambled away eighty five thousand dollars. During her gambling, she won and lost nine hundred thousand dollars. Then he had to go to dinner and a show, compliments of the casino as they are such good customers. All the time, I wondered why Clement, with his chandeliers, won and lost nine hundred thousand, was sitting at the one cent poker machine ??

Simon touched the lion’s paws at the MGM casino, abet the roof of the glass tunnel was between Simon’s hand and the lion’s paws, and both lions were asleep with their trainers posing on a nearby rock. Who said open neck shirt, hairy chest and gold medallions are dead - they are alive and well in Vegas. So are the Dolly Parton big blonde wig and breasts. My hair remained in about the same place when I stepped off the New York New York roller coaster. The same cannot be said for Simon. His hair stood on ends and yes, there is photographic evidence.

I would be remiss not to mention the eat-all-you-can buffets. At the top end, the Bellagio takes nineteen dollars so you can eat giant mountains of shrimps, meat from ribs, to steak to veal, fishes we have never heard of - Simon loved the BlueNose. Desserts were literally endless. Plates and plates and plates of chocolate related items, cream cakes in all varieties, even bread and butter pudding, and some custard looking gooey high fat high cholesterol pudding. Ice creams of every flavour of course. A large salad section which I totally ignored, except for the juicy water melons which were placed on that section. There was Chinese vegetables cooked to perfection, delicious miso soup and never-ending sushi. Simon had three plates of dinner and three pudding. I did not quite match that but made up with huge quantity of water melons, cream cakes and coffee.

Flying over the Grand Canyon can only be described by personal experience. No picture can capture the grandiose and no words can express the majesty .So I urge you all to fly over the Canyon and to sit and ponder on the rim. The journey has inspired me to see the other wonders.
Looking out across the vast Canyon, formed by nature through millions of years; seeing people like tiny dots, the Grand Canyon has taught me to let go of my obsession to “save” everyone. One life is truly insignificant against eternity. It is presumptuous of me to assume responsibility to make meaning for others. Meaning can only come from one’s own making.

I also need to re-write my Will because I need the boys to divide my ashes between Loch Lomond and the Grand Canyon. At this rate, with more travelling and my gullibleness at the slightest magnificent location, Jason and Jonathan will need a round the world ticket to drop a table spoon of me all over the world.

Life is such a wonderful adventure !

Intentions Intentions Intentions

Intention and behaviour – what others experience as reflex without or with little conscientious agonizing – are causing me long nights of angst. Turning on the light, I pattered to find a book that will help me with a formula. Please, why is there not a formula I can apply and work out the correct answer ?
I am totally clear that somewhere in the unknown sector of my Johari window, I am habouring intentions that are causing my distressing behaviours.
Because in consciousness, my behaviours are the opposite to my intention.
No. NO. Now that I have written the sentence; I can see this is not true. My behaviour is in fact congruent with my intention.
It is my conflicting intentions that is causing me the endless whirl of internal conversations and obsessive search for an answer. The paradox is this : I want to be the good mother martyr and I want to be the self centred lazy coward.
Like the unsteady mother who gives in to her child every scream for sweets and toys, I cannot, no I choose not to, refuse their asking. I am my sons’ personal benefit office and 24 hour helpline.
Like the fix for the addict, it assuage my shame to convince myself that this is “helping” them.
That is very helpful ! Hairgrip. Well done !
So what would a good mother do faced with a screaming demanding child. Firm boundaries and follow through sanctions.
There you go, Hairgrip. Off you go and practice that !
Good night and sleep well, little one.

Onto the next conundrum. Why the hesitation to confront such bad behaviours ? Why the supreme tolerance ?
Fearful of destroying their fragile ago ?
Cannot bear to be the “bad” person. Must maintain that reputation of wise and serene and tolerant and generous.
For whom and for what ? For everyone. For me. So that when I die, they can look back and feel bad they have used me so badly, so unfairly. I want them to feel bad.
hummmm. Quite the spiteful sulk. And of course wholly deluded.
Those who can take and take and hitch free rides are so buried with their own terror and/or greed and/or idleness that no ray of fairplay could possibly penetrate.
And of course, my naturally generous tolerant nature makes it so easy for them to justify their abuse : Oh she likes to do it. She enjoys running round. Really ? Does anyone enjoys the responsibility ALL the time ? Does anyone dislikes just turning up without any duties or tasks, just to enjoy sometime ?
I am blessed to have these wise words spoken to me : I hesitate to ask because I know you will say yes. Your yes nature actually prevents me from asking because I am SO careful not to take the piss and abuse you.
It would be much more equal if you say no, be unreasonable. So I can argue and try it on, knowing you are strong to resist any piss-taking.
I am blessed to have you, my true wise friend.

Sage and Spot

don't get out much
“I am very glad to have an outing today. And extra pleased to show off the sleek line of that dress with the little leaves round the straps. Are you going out tomorrow ? ”
“No. I can’t remember the last time I went out. I only stay in the house. Sometimes, I have the pyjama bottoms over me. Not to keep her warm. Just because there are unfamiliar people in the house. She doesn’t like that much. She huffs and puffs when she has to sit back down and put on the pyjama bottoms. Then she patters through to get her cup of tea.”
“So you don’t get to go out ? “
“Yes. As you know, she is very neat and precise. She doesn’t like me being seen under her dresses. You don’t have a back so you can’t be seen. So I never get to go out. Well, not strictly true. In the summer, I get to go into the garden a lot. “
“Oh Oh look out. here she comes. It is morning and she said she is going out today so it’s me ! ”“Bye bye. It will be my turn tonight. “